I have blogged before about Mr H's seemingly benign need to try to control me, my life, and how I live it; it is an irritating habit and one which I mostly try to ignore, but sometimes he sends me over the edge. He does seem to be getting worse since I went back to work; I think it's that while I wasn't working he felt that he was "in charge, in control, the boss" (can't say that I thought that!), whereas now I'm out earning a bit of dosh, he has somehow "lost control" of me, and he can't cope with it. I have to say that 2 weeks of being at home together over Christmas may have brought this to a head too.
A couple of weeks ago we were in the living room watching drivel (his choice) on TV, when I mentioned that when I get the easy chair I want for the dining room I can sit in there with a book and the radio if I want. " I don't want you sitting in the dining room, I like to have you sitting here" says Mr H, I was quite horrified and told him that I found that rather controlling, but he really didn't get it. " it's not controlling, it's just that I like to know where you are" he said. Just as bad I thought. In the summer, this is less of an issue, he is happy to sit in front of the TV while I am in the garden, but the winter is another story. Since then, I have made an effort to challenge him, if there is nothing I want to watch on TV I often go upstairs and rifle through my craft things in the spare room, or knit, or read. He doesn't like it, and comes upstairs to check on me every so often, but I need to reclaim this time for myself.
Yesterday evening, Mr H rang me (at his prescribed time of 6pm!)
" this time on Friday I'll be home" he said.
"Yes dear" I said.
" and we're taking your car in for an MOT a week on Friday" he said
That's 9 days away, the garage is a 5 minute drive away, no need really to plan it so far in advance. If he has a better offer, I can walk home.
"Good grief" I said "that's ages away"
"No need to be short with me, I like to be organised" he snapped.
I told him I had to get my tea out of the oven and ended the call. It drives me insane, my cars MOT is nothing to do with him, I am perfectly capable of booking it in, taking it and collecting it. I do not need to be controlled!
The thing, I suppose, is that it's all about him, he is the centre of his universe, and he sees everything through Mr H tinted glasses, if there is a faint possibility that he might be required to drive 5 minutes down the road to pick me up from the garage, he needs to plan it in his head in great detail. I, on the other hand, won't even think about it again until a week on Friday!
I was just about to post this when he rang again......he is thinking about my sons wedding in July ..... " I was thinking" he said " when you go shopping for your wedding outfit, I think I'll come with you"
" no you bloody well won't" I said " I'd rather wear a bin bag than go shopping with you and have you try to control what I should buy"
He is sulking now, I have hurt his feelings. But it's another example of his total lack of understanding of our relationship, of women, of me. If asked, he would describe himself as supportive, generous, understanding......he is none of these.
We will survive I am sure ( always the optimist) , but some "me time" with my knitting in the spare room will be necessary if I am to survive in good humour!
Hannah x
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