And an Aspie New Year to all..........

Well we survived Christmas, without too much hassle, and without me murdering Mr H, although there were one or two moments when I was tempted! We had a quiet Christmas Day on our own, then 2 of my sons and partners came for 4 days, which was busy to say the least!

Mr H was doing well, coping with the influx of guests ok, but then had a crisis in that his mum, who lives 3 hours drive away, was rushed into hospital over the weekend. I assumed he would want to go down, and offered to go with him, leaving our guests here with the dog, but no, he hadn't planned to go so obviously couldn't make a spontaneous trip! Unbelievable! This crisis, of course, has caused arguments between him and one of his sisters (the other sister is desperately trying to keep the peace) as he feels she is to blame for not getting the GP in before. And inevitably there has to be blame, mr H cannot accept that things happen that are no-ones fault. He can't just keep quiet and wait for the chaos to die down before speaking to his sister either,  he has to have a row on the phone, and then be very scathing when his sister is upset. Stupid man. Anyway he has gone to see his mum today, so I am having a bit of much needed respite from him!

The other issue we have had is over money, yet again. One of my sons got engaged on Christmas Day, and they are hoping to get married in July or August, so it was very exciting when they were here, talking about possible wedding plans, they don't want to spend a huge amount of money but do want to have a lovely day. After they left yesterday, Mr H said to me " we need to ask them what they want for a wedding present, no more than £200"! This is the man who has just spent £700 on a music system that HE wanted. I would love to be able to give both my 3 and his 2 kids a few thousand each towards weddings or houses, but  when there are 5 of them, it has to be rationed a bit, we just don't have that sort of money, but we can easily afford this. "well, I'm giving them money, I have always said to you
that they can all have £1000 each towards either a wedding or a house. If you don't like it, I'll take it out of my isa." I said. He nearly fell down the stairs ( and I wish he had). The hand flapping started as he was doing calculations in his head....."that's £5000 in total" he said, "yes but not all at the same time" I replied. He went to have a shower and to try to gather more ammunition! When he came out he was ready with his next argument....." That means each wedding will cost us about £5000, when you add cost of outfits, and overnight accommodation, and putting the dog in kennels....."
" so" I say " we are giving the happy couple a gift of £1000, I'm not sure what you are planning to wear dear but my outfit won't cost more than £300 max, a hotel won't be more than £200, the dog tends not to book into the Hilton, and her kennels cost £20 a night. So, that's £1540, which gives you £3460 to spend on a suit. I look forward to seeing you in it"
At which point I gathered the dog and went for a walk!
When I came back he said nothing. So my plan is to wait until my son lets me know the date, then I will give him the money, out of my isa.
 I am absolutely furious with Mr H, he is mean with money (my bloody money! Unless it is for something that he wants for himself) and more to the point, mean spirited.

And another thing, I can't get the bloody £700 music system to play any music, so as far as I'm concerned it's a £700 radio! Useless.

Hannah x

More joys of Christmas, and a meltdown avoided!

Father Christmas has arrived early for Mr H as his £700 music player thingy arrived on Thursday, just as he got home from work. We had planned to decorate the tree, but of course that immediately had to come second to unpacking the beast and getting it up and running, he was totally engrossed.  I left him to it and busied myself with other things but was conscious of occasional muttering and cursing. "All ok?" I ask,  "I can't seem to get it to recognise some of our music on iTunes " he says. Of course he hasn't read the instruction manual that came with it ( the size of a telephone directory!) because he doesn't think he needs to. He becomes increasingly frustated and irritated. "If it can't read iTunes I don't know what we'll do, he whines, we'll have to get all the cd 's out and go back to using them" in our previous house, we had over 300 CDs, but a lot more space, there is no room here to display them (hence they are in 3 plastic boxes in the garage, and all on the laptop/ iPod). "Where would you suggest we put 300 cd's ?  it will have to go back if it's not fit for purpose "I say, which almost tips him over the edge. "If you want to send it back then we will" he starts shouting, picking up the packing cases. I was tempted to say " well don't shout at me, you ordered the bloody thing, I would have assumed that you did your research as to its capabilities" , but I kept quiet. I put my coat on, got the dog and went for a long walk.
When I got back an hour later, his mood had changed, he was happy. He had phoned the helpline and sorted the problem. I won't bore you with the technical details. But suffice it to say he is happy playing with his new toy for the time being - until another must-have gadget comes to his attention.

I do so hate these dark winter days with Mr H, especially being "cooped up" at home when he is off work. At least in the summer I can escape to the garden. It's the shortest day today, so roll on spring!
Have a good Christmas all.

Hannah x

The joy of Christmas - or rather the joy of spending money

Mr H and I have a spending wish list, mostly for things in the house and garden, such as getting the garden fencing replaced, getting the loft boarded, getting the bathroom replaced, and getting some half decent conservatory furniture. Some of my wishes are different to his, but I tend to work with the principle that we get the necessities done first then negotiate. If I mention in passing " it'll be great if/ when we get the bathroom done", Mr H takes it as a demand from me (not sure why as it isn't at all) and goes into mini meltdown, with hand flapping and borderline hysterical cries of "I can't do everything, you will have to prioritise". That is one of the reasons that I have gone back to work, so that I feel I have more control over our joint finances, and so that I feel I am contributing more to the things that we want and need to do.

Ha Ha! Life's not like that.

So we went out on Saturday, bought a Christmas tree, had lunch out and generally had quite a pleasant time. We got home and I went upstairs (with a glass of wine - it's compulsory!)  to do the ironing. 30 minutes later, Mr H came upstairs to show me an advert for a music system that he's been coveting. "Well add it to the list" I say. Off he went,  15 minutes later he came back to tell me he'd ordered it. It costs over £700. "It's our joint Christmas present" he told me.  We have never, ever spent that much money on presents for each other. Well thank you so much Mr H, that's my salary, And I could, and would, have spent it better, had I been given a choice. He cannot understand why I am not ecstatic, and told me that there was no pleasing me!

He really is so very very selfish, once he gets a desire for something, be it this sound system, or fishing gear or whatever, he has to have it, regardless of the impact on our joint finances. Sometimes I really do not like him at all.

Hannah x

Planning your life away..........

Sometimes I think that Mr H's life can't be much fun, it must be difficult to be so tied up by your rituals and regimes, and to have to over analyse and over plan every detail of life.
This weekends panic has been caused by Christmas. You'd have thought that after 50 odd years he would have realised that it happens every year, but apparently not, it seems to have snuck up on him. Now,  he doesn't have to do anything much, I buy and wrap almost everything, including for his mum, his sisters and his adult children, all he has to do is deliver them to their intended recipients.

So we had 4 bags of presents in the spare room, he is seeing his mum and sisters this week, and his adult children next week, but decided last week that he would take all the bags with him this week, just in case he forgot them next week! He has wittered about this all weekend, and even got to the point of putting the bags into the car yesterday afternoon, then came back into the house with 2 of the bags, having decided, after much thought, that he would leave the bags for his children here until next week, because the bedroom at his friends (where he stays when he works away) isn't very big, and if he had the bags in there he wouldn't have room to put his socks on!

How I kept a straight face I do not know, although I did have to have a walk up the garden for a subversive  giggle! But giggling apart, life must be pretty grim when your head is filled with plans for how you will get dressed 3 days in advance, I cannot comprehend how or why you would think about such a thing, and it made me think that although I moan about Mr H and his weird foibles, and how they impact on me, life isn't always fun for him either.

But hey ho, he's off to work so some much needed peace for me.

Hannah x