Beauty sleep........

I woke at 5.20 this morning, not sure what had woken me, but I could hear some odd noises in the house. As I surfaced, I realised it was the dog, wandering around in the spare bedroom. Now, she's not allowed upstairs, hasn't been for 5 years or so, and is stopped in her nocturnal wanderings by a child's stair gate at the bottom of the stairs - if, of course, the last person to come to bed remembers to shut the stair gate!
And who was the last person to come to bed last night? Yes that's right, Mr H, who had to watch the end of the news (despite having watched it earlier) and have another glass of wine, rendering him incapable of remembering to shut the stair gate.
So by the time I got out of bed and was getting my dressing gown on, dog had wandered into our room and was wagging her tail exuberantly, banging against the bed.
Mr H, stirred briefly..."is that someone banging at the door?" he mumbled
"It's the dog" I say, "you didn't shut the stair gate"
"I forgot" he replied and was snoring again within seconds, while I took dog downstairs, let her out, made a cup of tea and am now sitting, watching the rain and reflecting on how it's the little things in life that seem so unfair sometimes. Mr H made a mistake, forgot to do something  (and I'm the first to admit to making mistakes!) but he is completely oblivious to the consequences, to the effect his actions may have on anyone else, me in this case, and I am willing to bet that when he wakes up, he will have conveniently forgotten all about it, will ask if I've been up long, and will wonder why my reply is a little abrupt!
I know that this can be explained by AS, it's not just "being selfish", he focuses on himself rather than us, he can't see the bigger picture. He has no concept of how I might be feeling, no empathy. But I do find it all very wearing, and I'm generally a bit fed up at the moment, Mr H's needs always come first, whether that's his need for sleep, his need to know what he'll be eating in a weeks time, or need to watch the blasted news on TV at least twice a day! I sometimes feel that I'm scurrying around either in front of him to pre-empt and prevent problems, or behind him to pick up the pieces and deal with
the consequences, and that's really not conducive to a partnership of two adults, its sort of what I did
with my kids when they were younger.
But hey ho, I've been up nearly 2 hours now, and still he snores upstairs.
Hannah x

PS - I was right! He got up at 9am, just as I got home from walking the dog.
"Did you see the dog in our bedroom at 5.30 this morning?" I ask
"No" he says, " how did she get up there?"
"You left the stair gate open" I say
"I forgot" he says.
Happy days.........

Empathy somewhat lacking!

Mr H is away with work this week, always a joy for me! I have had a day of cleaning and ironing as the weather has been pretty changeable - glorious sunshine one minute, hailstones the next. About an hour ago I suddenly wondered if I had shut the greenhouse, so ran out into the hailstorm, skidded across the gravel, and crashed into the corner of the wooden raised bed. Instantly my leg swelled up into 2 huge lumps, and hurt. A lot. I shut the greenhouse, staggered back into the house, got some frozen peas to put on said led, and poured a glass of medicinal wine. It hurt so much I cried.
Mr H phoned at 9.15 pm  as usual - I could set my clock by him. He regaled me with the tale of his evening, and then, in passing, asked if I was ok. "Well" I said " I've really hurt my leg, crashing into the raised bed. It's really swollen, I'm sitting here with a bag of frozen peas on it"
There was a pause..........."well I hope you can get up the stairs, I'm off now, night"

I don't expect him to rush home, there's no need, but a bit of sympathy wouldn't go amiss! Never mind, if I can't get up the stairs I'll just have to bed down with the dog!

Hannah x

The right way is his way - it's an uphill struggle!

So there we were on Saturday afternoon, preparing to paint our front fence, which is quite long. Mr H had been ready to start for at least half an hour, but I had some other chores to do first, like Hoovering up the all-pervasive dog hair, and he was getting impatient, but wouldn't start on his own, goodness only knows why! I am a pretty messy painter, so got into some very scruffy, paint splattered clothes and set to. I grabbed a brush, and started on a fence panel.......
"no" says the fence painting expert, " you need to start with this one"
"Why?"
"Because it's best if you start here"
"Why?" I ask, feeling a bit like a 5 year old! "What difference does it make as long as the fence gets painted?"
He starts becoming flustered, as he does when challenged. "Well if you're going to be difficult....."
I know it's petty, but I really cannot allow myself to be dictated to and controlled all the time, sometimes I just have to rebel. I picked up my brush and carried on painting the panel I'd started. He went back into the house, and I painted the whole fence on my own. It took me 3 hours, and I was knackered afterwards, but the fence looks good, even though I didn't do it his way. This is when I struggle to tell the difference between AS and A*SE, possibly a mixture of the two. We didn't speak (or rather he didn't speak, I chattered away as usual) for the rest of the day, which was peaceful!
I usually go for keeping the peace and not upsetting him, doing things the way he wants, but it does get wearing, and I do feel like I have sold my soul.
Hannah x