when I met my husband, (H) almost 18 years ago now, we were both in our mid 40's and living 200 miles apart. We both had children, he saw his children every weekend, I had my teenage boys living with me. We both managed our houses, our gardens, our full time jobs and our lives to the best of our abilities. His housework was pretty sketchy, and his garden had no soul. My house was welcoming, clean and tidy, and my garden was getting better by the year.
After 5 years together in a long distance relationship, H was made redundant but was offered a new job in my part of the country, we agreed that he could move in with me. My boys (only one living at home by then and one at uni) approved. There was some "bedding in" discussions as to who did what. Seems to me, looking back, I worked full time, did all the housework, laundry, garden, bins, shopping. I did those things to my (probably not brilliant but acceptable) standards. He worked full time and did a bit of cooking if it suited him, but I cleared the resulting chaos. I remember having a meltdown one Friday when I got home from work and had to clean bedrooms and make up beds for his visiting children, because he was late home from work. We got a cleaner for a while, until I reduced my work hours, when he was quite happy to let me get on with it all again.
Fast forward 13 years, no children at home, we've moved to the other side of the country (I wonder who managed the move?), we are on our second dog. I don't go out to work but do some community work and volunteer at a local charity shop one day a week. He works 25 hours a week, some of that from home.
I do all the general housework, dust, Hoover, strip beds, clear cupboards, fridges, clean toilets, all the
boring general stuff. He has no interest in any of this. Occasionally he does a bit of ironing, or puts a wash on, (if it's in his best interests) and he has to tell me in great detail what he's done, and what an absolute hero he is.
Until recently I have done the lions share of the gardening, but for some reason he has now become the garden expert. Apparently I don't cut the grass properly, don't water the greenhouse properly, don't prune properly. Dear god, how on earth did I manage before I met him? He now spends hours wandering round the garden, cutting the grass (takes him over an hour, takes me 20 mins!), deadheading roses, getting a few leaves out of the pond, and then telling me in great detail what he has done.
And shopping! After years of being left to shop on my own (quite happily), now he's got time on his hands he thinks we should shop together. What joy. What fun. Luckily we do a big shop online,
which I do, although now he checks it to make sure I've ordered the things he wants. He seems to be taking control of what we eat as well, this life is no fun at all.
