why does he think he's the expert on everything?

when I met my husband, (H) almost 18 years ago now, we were both in our mid 40's and living 200 miles apart. We both had children, he saw his children every weekend, I had my teenage boys living with me. We both managed our houses, our gardens, our full time jobs and our lives to the best of our abilities. His housework was pretty sketchy, and his garden had no soul. My house was welcoming, clean and tidy, and my garden was getting better by the year.

After 5 years together in a long distance relationship, H was made redundant but was offered a new job in my part of the country, we agreed that he could move in with me. My boys (only one living at home by then and one at uni) approved. There was some "bedding in" discussions as to who did what. Seems to me, looking back, I worked full time, did all the housework, laundry, garden, bins, shopping. I did those things to my (probably not brilliant but acceptable) standards. He worked full time and did a bit of cooking if it suited him, but I cleared the resulting chaos. I remember having a meltdown one Friday when I got home from work and had to clean bedrooms and make up beds for his visiting children, because he was late  home from work. We got a cleaner for a while, until I reduced my work hours, when he was quite happy to let me get on with it all again.


Fast forward 13 years, no children at home, we've moved to the other side of the country (I wonder who managed the move?), we are on our second dog. I don't go out to work but do some community work and volunteer at a local charity shop one day a week. He works 25 hours a week, some of that from home.

I do all the general housework, dust, Hoover, strip beds, clear cupboards, fridges, clean toilets, all the
 boring general stuff. He has no interest in any of this. Occasionally he does a bit of ironing, or puts a wash on, (if it's in his best interests) and he has to tell me in great detail what he's done, and what an absolute hero he is.

Until recently I have done the lions share of the gardening, but for some reason he has now become the garden expert. Apparently I don't cut the grass properly, don't water the greenhouse properly, don't prune properly. Dear god, how on earth did I manage before I met him? He now spends hours wandering round the garden, cutting the grass (takes him over an hour, takes me 20 mins!),  deadheading roses, getting a few leaves out of the pond, and then telling me in great detail what he has done.  

And shopping! After years of being left to shop on my own (quite happily), now he's got time on his hands he thinks we should shop together. What joy. What fun. Luckily we do a big shop online,
which I do, although now he checks it to make sure I've ordered the things he wants. He seems to be taking control of what we eat as well, this life is no fun at all.

Mental load

I haven't posted for a very long time but I'm still here. Just. Keeping on keeping on.
I've read quite a lot recently about the mental load that women take on within relationships. More so I suggest when their partners are AS.

Mr H doesn't feel the need to retain any relevant information, like what needs to go on the shopping list, what the neighbours are called, and more importantly which bin goes out on which day, and although there's a list on the notice board, it's obviously much easier to ask me, the keeper of all knowledge. I'm bloody sick of it. I've stopped saying "grey bin, Wednesday", I now say "don't know".
Him " have I got a birthday card for my sister?" (Yes really)!
Me  "don't know"
Him " is the milk in date?"
Me "don't know"
Him " is The dishwasher emptied?"
Me "don't know"
Etc etc
He asks these questions because he's too idle to remember or to look. Drives me insane.

In my head are birthdays, events, important dates, visits to and from kids, shopping lists, stuff to be done in the house and garden, cleaning, decorating, grasscutting, bins, village stuff like the flower festival, community stuff, window cleaners,  presents and cards to buy, hairdressers, dentist, chiropodist, GP check ups, prescriptions, friends, volunteering duties, vets for dog, flea and worming for dog........and on and on and in and on........

In his head is work stuff, his beloved spreadsheets and finances. That's it. He can tell me in an instant how much money we have in various accounts to within £1. I have no idea, I checked a few weeks ago when I was "getting my ducks in a row", wrote it down and hid in my purse, but can't remember!

A few weeks (mid April) ago he was compiling some info to send to his accountant.
Him "When did we move here? "
Me "April 4th"
Him "what year?"
Me " what?"
Him " I can't remember everything!"

What's more astounding is that only the week before, I'd said that it was 4 years since we'd moved here.

But hey, why retain anything when you've got a wife to bear the mental load?