Are his AS traits getting worse or is it me?

I am in a bit of a quandary dear reader, I am not sure whether Mr H's AS traits are getting worse as a result of him getting older, or whether it is a result of a bit of stress he is under at the moment
 (nothing momentous though, just a bit of regular uncertainty at work and a mum with dementia 150 miles away), but he is definitely getting worse. I also wonder whether it is my reaction to him that makes him seem worse.

I am certainly not the woman I was when I met him 15 years ago, but is that as a result of living with him and his AS in an unhappy threesome or is it because I too have got older, more sedate and placid?  Or because I want more from my life? I don't know, but I do feel lately that my life is being controlled by his needs, by how he wants to live his life by self imposed rules, and by how he wants me to live my life in the same way.
I try very hard to keep our life together on an even keel, to not rock the boat (no more nautical sayings I promise), and to avoid any arguments and potential meltdowns, by mostly giving in and letting him have his own way, even though it sometimes feels that I am his carer, I am selling my soul, and losing myself. And that saddens me very much. I have had a full and satisfying professional life, fantastic children, great friends and hobbies, but now, in my almost 60's, I don't feel that I have the freedom I deserve.

Don't get me wrong, Mr H doesn't physically stop me from doing what I want, but he makes it
difficult, wanting to know exactly where I am going, who with, what time I will be back. He tries to plan out every detail of our lives weeks in advance, not for big things like a weekend away, but for silly things like the car going in for a service, or a shopping trip to the nearest biggish town 10 miles away, even to the point of saying things like " when we go shopping in 3 weeks, if I walk the dog and then we set off at 9am..........". Does it really have to be planned so far in advance? When I went away for a night last weekend, he tried to plan my route  (no need, I have satnav), suggested which shops I might want to look in (think not Mr H, I can do my own shopping thank you) and generally tried to interfere. It's not malicious, I think, if challenged, he would say he was trying to be helpful but he's really not!

I am feeling very sorry for myself today, but I will enjoy and indulge I think, Mr H has gone to see his mum!

Hannah x