Aspergers Happy Families

Mr H's mum came to stay last weekend, she is in her 80's and dementia has kicked in so it wasn't really a fun filled visit. Since I have known her (15 years) I have always thought her a bit odd; she has never shown any interest at all in her grandchildren (Mr H is the only one of her 3 children to reproduce, and he has 3 adult children aged 20 - 36), she never mentions them at all.
His sister, who at 62 is single and lives with mum, is odd too, has lots of anxieties and rituals, and cannot cope with any change in routine, despite having a very senior job at the local authority. She has notepads detailing every car journey she has ever made over the past 40 years,  including times of departure and arrival, and mileage. His other sister aged 56 lives round the corner with her partner, no children. They live an odd, very insular existence, very interdependent, they shun new technology (indeed any technology,) don't use the internet or mobile phones.  Mr H is the most normal of the bunch, which is saying something! It is interesting to see them all together with Mr H, and I do wonder what a psychologist would make of them all. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when they're at home.
When they are up here with us it is all a bit of a struggle, Mum in law doesn't really want to be here, she is happier at home where she feels safe and secure, that's the nature of dementia. Because she is out of her comfort zone, she becomes distressed, irritable and stroppy, saying things like " I need to go and look after my mum" ( her mum died 60 years ago) and "well I don't like it here, I'm walking home"
I say "off you go then, only 120 miles!"
I have explained to Mr H many times that this is not his mum, it's the dementia that makes her behave like this, but he doesn't seem to be able to get it, and gets irritated by his mum being irritable!

Mr H and his sister cannot or will not recognise this as dementia, they dismiss it as "she's a bit forgetful", and dismiss her occasional incontinence as " little accidents". I have suggested that they get some help, or see the GP in case there is any medication that will help, but his sister doesn't want any "interfering health workers" involved, (bit of an insult to me, a nurse for 40 years!), so they struggle on, pretending that the inevitable deterioration isn't happening, and avoiding any change in the status quo of their lives. It's very sad, this inability to accept change.

They've gone home now, I'm lying down in a darkened room!

Hannah x