I'm really aware that most of my posts have been quite negative, and I have to say that's how I'm feeling at the moment. Unusually for me, I've been a bit down and analytical these past few days and although I'm trying hard to stay positive and upbeat, I'm finding it a bit of a struggle. I think that Mr H's negativity and pessimism is rubbing off on me and wearing me down.
I checked out the "different together" website, and looked at some of the Tony Atwood videos, and I think that has made me feel even worse, the realisation that this is not going to get better (not that I didn't really know, but hearing it said was a bit of a wake up call), I am always going to be his "mother", and that it is like having a child with a disability who will never grow up. It feels like hard work, depressing and demotivating, and not what I want from a relationship.
Mr H is away this week with work. As I think I have said before, he feels the need to phone me at set times; 6.30 am when he gets to work, 4pm when he leaves work, 7pm when he has eaten and 9.30 pm before he goes to bed. These are "duty calls", nothing of any significance is said, if I try to chat, he quickly cuts me off. 9.15 this evening the phone rings;
Mr H "hi, are you ok"
Me " yes I'm fine, you?"
Mr H " I'm exhausted, I've never felt so tired, I hope I'm not ill. I'm going to bed"
Me " ok night then"
Mr H " I'll ring you in the morning"
The call took all of 20 seconds. I don't know why he bothers, apart from the fact that he is ticking a box. He doesn't actually care how I am or if I have something to say, he has made contact and therefore feels he has fulfilled his duty. It is all so predictable and so boring, and at the moment I am not sure if I can or want to carry on in this one-sided "relationship".
Hannah x
No comments:
Post a Comment